New Chapter….Less Fear

I know that a lot of people make resolutions, come up with goals and think about how the new year is going to be different, and I am no exception.  I am not big on the word “resolution”, but I have always been one to set goals for myself, and when I really put my mind to something, much of the time I will accomplish it.  I have been this way my whole life.  2017 is no different for me in that regard except for a few little things….I am going to try to have less fear in this new chapter of life, and what I mean by that is I am going to try to do things that are even more authentic from my heart.  I always talk about writing more, blogging more, writing a book, speaking my mind more, but I have been holding back in these areas of my life because of fear; fear of what people might think.  Don’t get me wrong, I still care what people think to some extent, but as far as holding me back from actually putting stuff out there, I am going to strive not to do that anymore.  I just want to write for me.  I like to write in my own style with no preconceived notion of how it should turn out.  I like the idea of keeping record of my life.

I am at a stage in life where I am starting to think about what I will leave behind, what my kids will have to look at when I am gone, what my grandkids will read about their grandmother.  I like the idea of my great, great grandkids looking through some of my journals and thinking it was awesome that she wrote that stuff down.  I love the idea of one of them seeing some of my art and wanting to at least have it even if they don’t hang it up…haha…

I am not going to write with the idea of becoming rich and famous.  I am not naive to the fact that won’t happen, but I do love the idea of leaving something behind, logging my life, remembering the fun moments, and learning from the hard ones.

I was glad to see 2016 close!  It was such a difficult year on many levels for me, and I usually don’t care about watching the new year come in, but there was something to it this year for me.  I had to stay up long enough to see it end.  There was so much pain in 2016 for me personally, but I made it through with the help of my family and friends, and I am so grateful to know just how strong the human spirit can really be.

And there were some really wonderful moments in 2016 as well that were monumental like the birth of my first grandbaby, Emmitt!  He is so absolutely precious, and when he lights up when he sees me, well, its intoxicating.  My cheeks actually hurt when he leaves from me smiling so much.  We had some really great family times this year as well, and I have learned what it’s like to be free again…not just free in relationships, but freedom of the mind, freedom to think freely and openly and do what feels good to my heart as well.

2017 is hopefully about being gentle, loving more, doing good, writing, artwork.  It’s about Ashtanga yoga, retreats, nature, and breathing.  It’s about knowing that when tough times hit (and they will), that I can handle it.  It may be difficult, but I will survive it.  I have survived 100% of everything so far.  It’s about being flexible, being kinder and more patient with myself and my heart.  Becoming MY own best friend, nurturing my internal spirit of creativity, quiet and peace.  It’s about continuing to strive to be the best mother and grandmother, sister, and friend that I can be.  It’s about love…love for myself, my family and those I encounter.  And when I fail, slip or fall down, it’s about knowing that I am human, forgiving myself, and just being grateful for every day that I wake up and am given the opportunity to try to do it all over again.

If you have come into my journey at any time, thank you for being a part of it.  If you are still a part of my journey, then know how grateful I am for it and how deeply I care for you.  I look forward to making 2017 a year of calm, peace, gratitude, and taking care of me.  We all deserve peace and love in this world, and a lot of it depends on us.  It depends on me.  I can only lose what I cling to, and sometimes moving forward means I have to shut the door behind me.  Hopefully I closed it tight at midnight 12/31/16.

May peace and love be with all of you in 2017.

 

 

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